Of Goodbyes and Hellos
by Stella Malodi
Summary: The Doctor is preparing to say goodbye, but a sleepy Rose convinces him that it's better to say hello. Fluffy 9/Rose oneshot set at the end of "Dalek."


**AN: This little oneshot is set at the end of "Dalek." Just a bit of 9/Rose fluff for your tooth-rotting pleasure. (Got to keep the dentists in business, after all.)**

**Thanks to CatrinaSL, My Ashland, HuskieDawg, and my mom for looking this over. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Not even a little bit.**

* * *

"A little piece of home," the Doctor said wistfully, his hand on the familiar blue wood of the TARDIS. He sighed. "Better than nothing."

"Is that the end of it, the Time War?" Rose asked.

"I'm the only one left. I _win_," he said with a sort of nostalgic bitterness. "How about that?"

"The Dalek survived," she said, trying to console him. "Maybe some of your people did, too."

He started shaking his head before she'd finished speaking. "I'd know," he said, tapping his temple. "In here. Feels like there's no one."

In that moment, he looked so _lonely_. Almost... desolate. "Well, then," she said, her voice warm with something like tenderness and compassion, "good thing I'm not going anywhere." She smiled at him sadly.

She could hear someone behind her running towards them; he glanced at whomever it was, but she kept her eyes locked on him. "Yeah," he agreed with a nod, his voice low.

"We'd better get out," Adam said as he reached them. "Van Statten's disappeared. They're closing down the base. Goddard says they're going to fill it full of cement, like it never existed."

The Doctor crossed his arms.

The moment was gone, broken by Adam's entrance, and Rose was left mentally stumbling by the sudden absence of an intensity she hadn't even noticed. "About time," she said, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'll have to go back home," Adam said, a bit sadly. Rose could sympathise. She couldn't imagine a life _after_ the Doctor, a life without him. To know the _size_ of the universe, the smallness of her own world, and to go back to it anyway… she didn't know if she'd be able to stand it. Perhaps they could take Adam with them.

"Better hurry up then. Next flight to Heathrow leaves at fifteen hundred hours."

She opened her mouth to suggest that they bring Adam along, but hesitated at the last second. She glanced at Adam, then at the Doctor. He looked… tired. And sad. And it didn't _sound _like he wanted to go anywhere with Adam. Really, that had been just this side of "shove off and leave us alone," which was a _bit_ harsh, but understandable after the day they'd had.

Well, maybe they could look Adam up later, once they'd had a chance to rest and process everything that had happened during this trip. They had a time machine, after all, so it wasn't like this was the only chance she'd have to ask the Doctor about it. With that thought in mind, she turned to Adam and pasted on a grin.

"Yeah… we'd better be off, too. It was good to meet you, though," she said. Then she gave him a hug, kissed his cheek, and turned back to the Doctor, letting her grin fade to a more genuine smile. His expression was unreadable, but he nodded after a moment, then busied himself with unlocking the door of the TARDIS.

"What are you doing?" Adam asked as the Doctor opened the door. "She said 'cement.'" Rose followed the Doctor. "We're gonna get sealed in." Rose, with one foot in the TARDIS, looked back and shot a wide, mischievous smile at him.

"Then I suppose you'd better hurry. Bye!"

She closed the doors behind her and the TARDIS began to dematerialize. She watched as the Doctor finished flipping switches on the console, then turned and grinned at her. "So, where do you want to go? Backward, forward, or somewhere completely different? Haven't really traveled much in space, yet. We could–"

"Doctor!" she interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Actually, if it's alright with you…" she trailed off, not quite sure how to word her request. She was surprised, however, and more than a bit worried when fear and loss flashed over his face, followed by an expressionless mask.

"Oh," he said, before she had the chance to gather her thoughts. "Did you want to go home, then?"

She frowned and shook her head, confused by the question and trying to wrap her head around the sudden change in his mood. "What for? We were just there last week."

He relaxed slightly, but his voice was still wary as he spoke. "I didn't mean just for a visit, Rose."

"Then what...?"

He studied her carefully. "Do you still want to travel with me?"

Her eyes widened. "What?" She looked more closely at him, and realisation struck. "Oh. You thought I wanted to leave?" He nodded once, sharply. "Never, Doctor." She grinned and her tongue poked between her teeth. "Didn't I already tell you? You're stuck with me."

He relaxed and beamed at her. "Good!"

They stood that way for just a second too long, smiling at each other until he coughed and looked away. "Where d'you want to go, then?"

"Nowhere," she said. "I'd rather spend a few days on the TARDIS, actually." His eyebrows shot up and she bit her lip. "Is that alright?"

"'S'fine. Just surprised, is all. Any reason why?"

She shrugged. "Just wanted to relax for a bit."

"Well, if you want to _relax_, we could–"

She laughed. "Doctor, we could probably go to the most peaceful, relaxing place ever, but we'd get there just in time for an invasion, or right before some dangerous bit of technology was released, or we'd find out that someone was using spa treatments or something to hypnotize people…"

"Alright, I get the idea." He did his best to glare at her.

She grinned at him. "Not that I don't like sending off the invaders, sabotaging the technology, and finding the hypnotist. But it's not what I would call _relaxing_." Her smile faded and she looked down. Her voice softer, she said, "I just want a couple of day to know that we're both alive, and that there's nothing trying to change that."

"Oh, Rose," he said, then stepped forward and pulled her into a tight hug. Face buried in her hair, he murmured, "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry."

"'S'not your fault."

He laughed bitterly. She frowned and tried to pull away, but he only held her tighter. "I'm serious, Doctor. It was the Dalek's fault, it was Van Statten's fault, it was _my_ fault, but not yours."

"Rose, you could have _died_. You _should _have died. That Dalek was going to– they _never_– Rose, _I thought you were dead_. You were dead, and it's all my fault. If it wasn't for me, we never would've been there in the first place. I as good as killed you my–"

He was interrupted by a slap. Rose had finally managed to pull away enough to get a good look at his face, and hadn't liked what she'd seen. Now he was staring at her with shock, but at least he was seeing her. Gentle but firm, she held his face between her hands and forced him to look into her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was low. "Doctor, it was _not your fault_. Someday you're going to _believe_ me when I tell you that. But until you can… I'm right here. I'm still alive. _You're_ still alive. We're here, and we're together. And that's enough. Alright?"

He stared at her for what felt like an eternity before he closed his eyes and nodded, then kissed her forehead and pulled her close to him again.

Surrounded by familiar arms and the smell of his leather jacket, it was easier to remember that they had made it out of Van Statten's museum. The sound of his hearts was reassuring proof that they were _alive_. That they were safe. She felt that she could have happily stayed there forever, but before long he spoke again. "Your mum slaps harder than you do."

She chuckled. "That's just 'cause I wasn't really trying." Reluctantly, she pulled away, but smiled as she said, "C'mon, let's go to the library. I think I hear the next chapter of Oliver Twist calling my name."

"Nah, that's just the zelf on the shelf." He grinned and dropped his arms, but he took her hand and held it as they walked to the library.

* * *

The Doctor wasn't sure how long he'd been reading before he realized she was asleep.

He put down the book and exhaled slowly, unsteadily, and finally allowed himself to think about the events of the day. About the Dalek. About Van Statten. About that stupid pretty boy.

About Rose.

She saw so much. It was both frightening and exhilarating, knowing that there was someone around who could see right through him. But today she'd seen a part of him he'd never wanted her to see– she'd seen something of the darkness, of the hate, of the monster that hid within the man she knew.

_"What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into?"_

She had thought that she was looking at a possible future, but he knew– she was seeing the past. It had never been clearer to him how much he had already changed since the war– how much _she_ had changed him. And in that instant, he had seen two paths before him: he could cling to the past, let it stretch out to taint the future, or... he could let go of the past and reach for something new. Something wonderful. Something terrifying. Something completely and utterly fantastic.

He could reach for _her._

There was a choice to be made, and staring down his gun at the wonderful, terrifying, and completely and utterly fantastic Rose Tyler, he'd feared that it was already too late.

Staring down at her now, it seemed that it was_ not._

He had thought he would be lucky to be able to convince her to stay on the TARDIS. He'd certainly expected there to be a new (and decidedly unwelcome) distance between them, if she_ did_ stay. He'd resigned himself to a future without her hand in his.

But now it seemed that they were even _closer_ than they had been. She'd actively sought out his company, had let him hold her, and had even looked to him for _comfort_. It was honestly beyond his comprehension. She'd finally seen him for the monster he was– and instead of being scared or disgusted, she had stared him down and challenged him to be more.

He didn't deserve her. He'd nearly gotten her killed today, no matter what she said, and it hadn't been the first time. Nor would it be the last. She might not blame him now, but she should… and eventually she would. One day, it would just be too close, too real, and then she would finally understand the danger she'd been in all along– the danger _he'd_ put her in.

And then she would leave him.

And he would let her, because she _should_ leave, _should_ go back to her life, to her family, to her home. To everything he could never, ever give her. He sighed and looked down at the young woman who was draped across his lap. She was smiling in her sleep, and he wondered how long that would last. How much time would she have to dream happily before her unconscious mind turned to the nightmares he'd dragged her into? And more importantly… how long would it be before the nightmares in her life became too much? Before she tired of it, before she could no longer see the beauty for the horror?

How long before she asked to be taken home?

He wanted to hold onto her for as long as he could, to wait until she asked, and then beg her to stay a little longer. He wanted her beside him for however long her forever might turn out to be. He wanted to hold her to all of her little promises: "There's me," "Better with two," "We'll go down fighting? Together?" "You're stuck with me," and "Good thing I'm not going anywhere." He wanted to be _selfish. _

But as much as he wanted to keep her with him, wanted to bask in her light, he thought it would kill him to watch that light slowly dim and die. Better to take her home now, before she lost that spark, and before she had any more memories to fuel her nightmares.

She would be happier that way, wouldn't she? In the long run? And more than anything else, he wanted her to be happy. So he would let her go, and hope that she could forget the daft old alien who promised her the stars and gave her monsters instead. But as for him… he would remember. Forever. Locked away, deep inside his hearts, a part of him would always belong to Rose Tyler.

Slowly, gently, he raised his hand and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. He _wished_ he could leave his hand there, could run his fingers through her hair, could cup her cheek, could memorize her face by touch as well as sight– but no. With a sigh, he withdrew his hand, only to wrap it around one of hers. He would hold her for a moment longer, and then he would carry her to her room and tuck her into bed. And tomorrow he would take her home, before he could change his mind.

So he indulged himself, just this once. He let himself enjoy the way it felt to be close to her. He studied her, memorizing the way she looked as she slept. He allowed himself this moment with her– the last moment he would have. He closed his eyes against the pain of that thought and squeezed her hand, as though by holding her tighter, he could stop himself from letting her go. He raised her hand to his lips, kissed it, and held it against his cheek for a moment, before gently laying it back on her stomach.

Enough. If he stayed here any longer, he might never be able to go. He'd had his _moment_. It was time.

He tucked all of his emotions behind a mask as he shifted her in his arms. He looked down at her once more, preparing to stand, and saw her eyelids flutter, then open. She looked up, focused on his face, and smiled sleepily.

In that instant, all of his intentions turned to dust.

Just this once, he was going to ignore the shoulds and oughts and supposed tos.

Just this once, he was going to do what he wanted.

Just this once, he was going to be selfish.

* * *

Rose looked up at the Doctor. She'd seen a flash of the all-too-familiar mask, but it had quickly shattered into bemused resignation, followed immediately by fiery determination and a hint of possessiveness, ending with a warm smile, which she returned.

"Hello, Rose."

"Hello, Doctor."

"Oliver Twist not exciting enough for you?"

"If I was looking for an exciting book, I wouldn't've picked Oliver Twist."

"So what _were_ you looking for?"

"Something by Charles Dickens."

"Well, I think you lucked out there."

"Mm." Her eyes drifted shut of their own accord.

He chuckled. "Come on, then. Time for sleepy apes to be in bed."

She shook her head and shifted closer to him.

"Rose."

"Doctor."

"You've got to go to bed."

"Why?"

"Because. You'll sleep better there."

"But I want to sleep here."

"Rose."

"Hm?"

"Up."

"No."

There was a pause. "You sure about that?"

"Mmhm."

"Well, then, you asked for it."

That was all the warning she got before he stood and started walking. Her eyes flew open, all hints of sleepiness gone as she threw her arms around his neck.

"What d'you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"What does it look like? I'm carrying you."

"Yeah, I noticed. _Why?_"

"_You_ wouldn't get up," he reminded her.

"So you decided to _carry_ me?"

"Yep."

"Well, stop it."

"You want me to drop you?"

"_No!_ I want you to carefully put me down so I can walk from here."

"Hm… No, I don't think I will. You had your chance, and you didn't want to. So, really, I'm doing you a favor. You should be thanking me." He grinned at her. She held her glare for as long as she could, but after a moment she could do nothing but roll her eyes and relax against him with a huff. She really wasn't _that_ upset, and if the Doctor was going to carry her, she might as well enjoy it.

It wasn't much longer before they reached her door, but she'd returned to being pleasantly drowsy. At his quiet, "We're here," she simply tightened her arms around his neck as he set her on her feet. She loosened her hold on his neck and looked up to say goodnight, but the words never made it out of her mouth. Her drowsiness fled again as she was suddenly, completely _aware_ of the fact that they were incredibly close to each other. Her hands were on his shoulders and his had somehow ended up on her waist, and now his eyes were boring into hers looking startled and very, very blue.

He didn't move. Neither did she. She was waiting– waiting to see how he would react once the sheer surprise of their proximity had worn off. (And if she happened to enjoy standing there, practically pressed up against him, well, that was her business, wasn't it?) She watched his expression intently, watched as the shock faded, to be replaced by something else, something warm and electrifying.

He still hadn't moved away.

She smiled slowly. "Hello, Doctor," she whispered. Then she stood on her toes, but turned her head slightly to place a kiss next to his mouth. She stood back, raised a hand to touch his cheek, and let it fall as she turned to enter her room. He caught her hand before she was through the door. At the slight tug, she faced him.

"Rose?" he said, his voice low and gravelly. He laid a hand on her cheek.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"I think you missed."


End file.
